Is this permissive, or age appropriate?

[Dizzy Blond]

Hi Ladies,

Help ... me & dh are not in agreement. He thinks I am just permissive, but I think dd is just acting her age. She's just coming up on 14 months. :smile


At church, during worship, (we have a combined worship, then kids go off to class & she goes to the nursery), I let her toddle up & down the aisles. The pastor (who also leads worship) thinks she's plain funny and doesn't care and hasn't said anything to us. Dh thinks I should be holding her. I think she's just acting her age. On Easter, she did get really loud squeeling, so I took her out of the sanctuary to play.
She likes to play with things other than her toys. If its not going to harm her, I let her play with it. Often, things go missing, but I can usually find them since our place is small. Dh is annoyed that I let her have these things. Especially if she's making a mess.

Thanks for your help. Dh isn't totally on board with GBD, but is with AP. I'm working on him. :mrgreen I think I need to discuss with him that neither our parents styles worked on us, b/c we both came to the Lord in our mid-to-late 20's.

TIA!

[JessicaTX]

I don't think i'd let my child run up and down the aisles. I have however sat a couple feet away from dh and let toddlers toddle back and forth between us in the pews. Is your dh upset about the remote going missing? My dh acts like the world is gonna end if the remote isn't immediately located, so I just make sure the kids know that's daddy's toy, not theirs.

[ArmsOfLove]

Personally I have no problem with either of the things you mentioned--and if your pastor has no problem then I think it's fine :) BUT if your dh has a problem with it maybe you can make some concessions. What about having her do her toddling in the back of the sanctuary? And are there things you can agree to put up and not let her play with?

[Dizzy Blond]

Thanks. Our church is pretty relaxed for worship, so I don't know why dh is so concerned.

The real problem with dd playing with non-toys is in the morning ... I bathe her & then let her run around with nothing on to let her be free of a diaper for awhile. So dh is annoyed with this. But this is to prevent diaper rash, not b/c I'm permissive, so that's not up for discussion (with dh :P).

I let her play with the things under my sink (every other sink has baby locks) and nothing harmful is in there. So it is my makeup kit (dd sorts & resorts that), sanitary napkins (she pulls them all out) and my hair products. As well, books get taken off the bookshelf and she flips through them (she no longer rips them up, so I don't see a problem here), and her baby monitor gets moved around (so then I need to search for it).

The TV remotes are up, so if she gets them, its b/c they weren't put up.

Dh is extremely neat, so it annoys him to see piles of things everywhere. And it really annoys him when I say I can't find something (I think God is trying to cure him of this ... he's got a wife that could never find her keys :P). I always clean up after dd before I leave for work, so I don't see why its an issue. I think he's just annoyed to even see the mess. Hmmm??

[milkmommy]

let her play with the things under my sink (every other sink has baby locks) and nothing harmful is in there. So it is my makeup kit (dd sorts & resorts that), sanitary napkins (she pulls them all out) and my hair products. As well, books get taken off the bookshelf and she flips through them (she no longer rips them up, so I don't see a problem here), and her baby monitor gets moved around (so then I need to search for it).


Personally (and just personally ) no I wouldn't allow this hears my reason. At 14 months my DD really didn't do much more than rearrange but... a few months latter I woke up to her covered head to toe in lip stick, powder make up EVERYWHERE and it happened (in a smaller degree two other times after) She went from "stacking books" to Eating them :rolleyes we honestly can't have her around books because she just takes a big Ol bite outta a few pages. She can open the pagages of sanatary napkins and tears them open. Soo anyways I'm not trying to give a picture of some outta controll child. Shes also being age appropiate but its still "inappropiate" for out home. We had HUGE battle once we figured we had to "correct" the problem and ended up having to put locks on the outside of the bathroom to keep her toally out. I have no issues with children having some "non toys" to play with but I'd consider sticking with things that might not becaome an issue latter. Kitchen items such as pots plastic dishes and wodden spoons are great, or verious "beauty stuff like a hair brush, ribbons water spray bottles empty boxes like from Cereal, "boxed" dinners empty egg and milk cartons are fun "non toys".
Again just my opnion ;)

Deanna

[snlmama]

I agree w/ Crystal. I don't see those things as a problem, but if it bothers your dh I don't see a problem w/ making some concessions to his concerns. I like the idea of letting her walk around in the back of the service. Not sure on the playing w/ nontoys issue - I thought all kids did that. :shrug

[ArmsOfLove]

do you think it would help your dh to read the Ames and Ilg book for her age and see what is age appropriate and what they are learning through their play? If he saw a reason for it and saw that it was normal it might help.

[Irene]

we went through the same thing when my dd was smaller. Dh thought I was SOOO permissive because I let dd play with things that arent toys. It made me chuckle when I read that he is a clean freak... mine too ;) and I think thats just part of it. He doesnt mind picking up toys, but messed up paper or books on the floor or whatever were just such a huge annoyance to him.
so we pretty much compromised. the kids arent allowed to play with the remote ;) but they can play with scrap paper or old magazines. stuff like that, we just had to decide what was important and what was not worth fighting over.
as for the books, I found cramming them as tightly as possible in the bookshelf helps little ones not get them down ;)

[Katherine]

With toddling in the aisles.. have your asked your dh specifically WHY he doesn't like her doing that? Does he feel she is distracting other people? *Is* she attracting the attention or comments of others trying to listen?

With playing with non-toys.. I do this all the time. Heck, if I only let my kids play with toys, they would go crazy. :) There are some things we don't play with, and as they reach new developmental milestones the rules change. I'm surprised your dd has never tried to eat or use your makeup.. my guys would have either consumed it or destroyed it! :lol (The little boy mantra.. leave nothing intact!) If it's something that COULD be dangerous if consumed, I wouldn't let her play with it. One day, after months of just rearranging, she might decide that "sensual strawberry" blush looks tasty, and then you'll be freaking out wondering how much she ate. :) Stuff like tampons have chemicals in them, too, so that's something to consider.

Again, I would ask your him directly to tell you what about it bothers him. My dh gets upset and frustrated with messiness, too, and goes beserk when I can't find something--even for just a minute or two (especially keys, wallet, the remote, his shoes, important paperwork.. or whatever he happens to be needing at that particular moment.. hmmm.. that's a long list. Ok, so he just hates stuff being lost! :laughtears)

[milkmommy]

Yes I do want to make my PP sound like I thought "non toys" were a bad thing, just to be carefull with things that could latter become a danger or an issue that over whelms you..

Deanna

[Dizzy Blond]

Thanks! Crystal, I'll get the Ames & Ilg book(s). I think that's our biggest disagreement regarding dd's behavior - I think its necessary for dd to explore & dh wants things neat & tidy.

Irene & Palil - you crack me up. :lol Palil - you and me are put in our dh's lives to cure them of their fear of losing things. :spit The books are in pretty tight, but dd manages to get them out anyway. :) The napkins are all the wrapped kind, so she's not going to be ingesting any chemicals. She hasn't found the makeup yet ... that is in a separate part & she's still fascinated with the little shampoo bottles. :P We'll see.

Thanks again!

[cklewis]

My 15mo DS loves nontoys more than toys. Currently, it's the mole on my neck. :rolleyes He loves to imitate so much thay he just wants to do what we're doing. He tries to comb his hair, put on deodorant, drink from a regular cup. I think this is just socialization. Think of it from your DD's perspective: "every day mom waves this thing at her head that blows air. I should do that too. Every day dad points this object at that noisy picture thing. Every day mom holds this thing with buttons against her face and talks to some voice that sounds like grandma. I want to do those things too."

As for the aisle-walking, I'll admit that I can't imagine it. Just because of my church. But what is it that Dr. Sears says, "Anything that's causing resentment needs to change." He was talking about co-sleeping, but I think the principle applies here too. There's something that you and DH can work out. It doesn't have to be an either-or thing here.

C

[4blessings]

I think it's completely age appropriate to for toddlers to play with "non-toys". Everything is a toy to a toddler. I have great memories of my toddlers emptying my Tupperware cabinet. In fact, I've always kept that stuff low so they could play with it. There's nothing like a plastic bowl tower, LOL!

I wouldn't let my children toddle in the aisles at church, though. Personally, I'm distracted children who do that. I'd also worry she was bothering other people. That's just me, though. Even if a certain behavior doesn't bother me, I try to remember that not everyone thinks my child is adorable as I do. :)

[Dizzy Blond]

Camille: Thanks for your input. I don't think dh is resentful, just concerned that dd is just getting away with things. If anything, its me who's getting resentful for his parenting style which is "bark at the wife to get off her butt and parent". :rolleyes

About the toddling during worship ... if she's really distracting, I take her out. But then I miss worship, so I only do it when she's really energetic. Dh thinks I should just hold her and let her scream and kick in frustration. :rolleyes And I think she's just "worshipping the only way she knows how" as the asst pastor once said about babies squaking. :)

Thanks all for your input. I definitely need to discuss this w/ dh and get those books.