snlmama
03-28-2005, 10:26 AM
Long story short, dh has suddenly and w/o explanation decided that the best way to "discipline" our kids - 2 1/2 yo and 5 1/2 yo - is spanking and yelling. :td
I'm not sure where it's all coming from but suspect 2 issues triggering it - first, his sister, who he talks to once in a blue moon, but always gets "advice" from her which is usually bad and he will follow it for a few weeks, argue w/ me until we're both blue in the face, then forget about it or decide it's not working or won't work (when my oldest was 6 months old she tried to convince him that ds "needed" to be in daycare and if I wasn't working he still needed to find a way to pay for it, just for example of her looniness). I'm actually hoping it's that and he'll just quit in another week or so. :think The other is a trip we just took w/ some college friends who are *very* punitive, ala Ezzo and that lady someone here talked about that advocates putting tabasco on kids tongues. :eek :rolleyes Odd thing there is, the whole trip he was griping and freaking about how "out of control" the parents were and all the spanking, yelling and threats drove him nuts, but maybe it affected him subconsciously b/c now, 2 weeks later, *he's* doing it. :banghead
A little background - we've always tended toward more positive discipline techniques - I'm a big fan of How to talk so kids will listen, and Raising Your Spirited Child and books like that. I tend to be the stricter parent in general, while dh tends toward permissiveness. He has spanked a couple of times in the past but found it to be ineffective. It was usually when he'd let things go to far and didn't know what else to do.
Now, suddenly he's just walking around yelling, imposing rules he never even mentioned as concerning him before and spanking them 5-6 times a day. :eek :td :mad :doh
I keep asking him what happened and he just tells me that "the kids are out of control and I haven't been doing anything b/c *you* won't *let* me spank them and I just got tired of it." :banghead
I know I've read on here before that parents can make it work w/ one spanking and one not, but I don't think that is going to work here. A BIG problem is that my 5 year olds behavior gets *worse* when he is being spanked and yelled at, not better, so now he really is out of control and I don't know how to get him back to normal if dh is going to continue spanking. :O
Yesterday dh spanked my 2 year old for wiggling while he was combing his hair, (with the comb :mad I lost it on that one), taking a drink out of the kitchen (which is against *my* rules, but dh has never bothered to enforce it himself before), throwing a plastic easter egg and yelling. He spanked the 5 year old for yelling, for crying, for not stopping playing his video game (um, you are the adult, all you have to do is turn it off if he doesn't stop), dropping some food on the floor (debatable if this was an accident or not) and a couple of other times I'm not really sure *what* happened. :mad :banghead
Anyone whose btdt have any advice on how to handle this. I've given dh all the books to read, explained and showed him the 5 steps. He's seen me using GBD for several years now. I just can't figure out what it is that he isn't getting.
I'm not sure where it's all coming from but suspect 2 issues triggering it - first, his sister, who he talks to once in a blue moon, but always gets "advice" from her which is usually bad and he will follow it for a few weeks, argue w/ me until we're both blue in the face, then forget about it or decide it's not working or won't work (when my oldest was 6 months old she tried to convince him that ds "needed" to be in daycare and if I wasn't working he still needed to find a way to pay for it, just for example of her looniness). I'm actually hoping it's that and he'll just quit in another week or so. :think The other is a trip we just took w/ some college friends who are *very* punitive, ala Ezzo and that lady someone here talked about that advocates putting tabasco on kids tongues. :eek :rolleyes Odd thing there is, the whole trip he was griping and freaking about how "out of control" the parents were and all the spanking, yelling and threats drove him nuts, but maybe it affected him subconsciously b/c now, 2 weeks later, *he's* doing it. :banghead
A little background - we've always tended toward more positive discipline techniques - I'm a big fan of How to talk so kids will listen, and Raising Your Spirited Child and books like that. I tend to be the stricter parent in general, while dh tends toward permissiveness. He has spanked a couple of times in the past but found it to be ineffective. It was usually when he'd let things go to far and didn't know what else to do.
Now, suddenly he's just walking around yelling, imposing rules he never even mentioned as concerning him before and spanking them 5-6 times a day. :eek :td :mad :doh
I keep asking him what happened and he just tells me that "the kids are out of control and I haven't been doing anything b/c *you* won't *let* me spank them and I just got tired of it." :banghead
I know I've read on here before that parents can make it work w/ one spanking and one not, but I don't think that is going to work here. A BIG problem is that my 5 year olds behavior gets *worse* when he is being spanked and yelled at, not better, so now he really is out of control and I don't know how to get him back to normal if dh is going to continue spanking. :O
Yesterday dh spanked my 2 year old for wiggling while he was combing his hair, (with the comb :mad I lost it on that one), taking a drink out of the kitchen (which is against *my* rules, but dh has never bothered to enforce it himself before), throwing a plastic easter egg and yelling. He spanked the 5 year old for yelling, for crying, for not stopping playing his video game (um, you are the adult, all you have to do is turn it off if he doesn't stop), dropping some food on the floor (debatable if this was an accident or not) and a couple of other times I'm not really sure *what* happened. :mad :banghead
Anyone whose btdt have any advice on how to handle this. I've given dh all the books to read, explained and showed him the 5 steps. He's seen me using GBD for several years now. I just can't figure out what it is that he isn't getting.