Help with 4yo Foster Daughter?

[musicmama]

So, she's only been here a few days, but had already pulled out the Mommy card.

She burps. Loudly. Now, I actually have no problems with burping (dh and I do it all the time, and I totally find it natural). BUt she does it, sometimes in your face, sometimes not, but always a huge spectacle, mouth hanging wide open, and sometimes forcing it out.

I'm trying to get her to atleast cover her mouth, but now she keeps on saying "well, my MOMMY let me burp loudly" and stuff like that. Tonight she also cried and cried when she went to bed, saying she wanted her Mommy, so I think she's just really missing her, but I am stumped what to say when she starts talking about what her mommy let her do.

[mommyTay]

Since she is so new to your home, she is probably testing the boundaries and looking for attention. You probably already know this well, but never say anything mean or rude about the parents in response to those kind of comments. Just calmly and politely tell her that it may be ok at "Mommy's House", but is not the way you do things in your house. I would also try to redirect her as quickly as possible, so the situation doesn't become uneasy, or an obvious way to irritiate your family. If you are calm and consistent, she will slowly start to trust and respect you. 4 year olds can understand a lot.

We had a lot of issues like these with our most recent foster siblings, 5, 4, 3, 2 & 1 yo. We were fortunate and able to "Mentor" the parents, it has had a wonderful outcome. In our case it was a neglect situation and the parents started following our lead and examples, and even call us for advise. It takes a while to build a trust, but we now have a wonderful friendship and we get to continue a relationship with the children that have been part of our lives! :smile

[MarynMunchkins]

I think I would do a lot of reflecting her feelings. "You seem sad that mommy isn't here. You miss her." Than I would set the boundary for your own house. "I don't like it when you do that. It's not acceptable at my house. You need to cover your mouth."

:hug I'm still in awe of foster parents! :clap

[musicmama]

I had started telling her the way things are here at "our house" and this morning she covered her mouth and then beamed "I covered my mouth!" and I smothered her in love and kisses and told her how proud I was of her.

We feel very "strict" right now as we lay down the boundaries, the biggest one being "gentle hands" and bedtime routines, but they're slowly getting there. Their mom is probably in jail right now, so we can't do much, plus there are some abuse allegations that make it hard for us right now, but we're working through stuff too :)

Our first foster baby, well, we have a fantastic relationship with their family (they all even came to church yesterday with us and her mom's 17yo sister got saved!), and we're hoping to be able to help these little guys mom too.

[mom2threePKs]

:jump Glad to hear Foster DD is responding well!! Amazing how well that loving discipline and boundaries work isn't it!!! Also adding my admiration for what you are doing for this little one. :clap

Magan

[MarynMunchkins]

:tu That's wonderful!

[mommyTay]

Awesome! :hug Thank you for sharing this inspiring update!

[ArmsOfLove]

that's great. "In our family" and "in this house" are great ways to start instructions about house rules. And you will need to have very firm and kind boundaries because they need to feel safe. Sounds like you're doing great with that :)