sleeping alone

[LauraK]

Does anyone have an experience where they co-sleep but the baby also can sleep alone? My 5.5 month old sleeps with us. My first dd was in a crib (she woke up a lot at night but did go to sleep OK and stayed asleep at night for 2-4 hours before needing to be breastfed again) so this is my first experience with cosleeping. The problem is I have trouble having Anya stay asleep for more than 20 minutes without me. Since I have another child this is getting very difficult and I am getting burned out. The night waking does not bother me but I want to have that hour or two in the evening before I go to bed and perhaps also the naps. I sling her a lot but sometimes my 2 year old needs some quality time with me where she can be held and snuggled. My back is also sore and as my baby gets heavier I get more tired. I feel guilty about these needs and wanted to make cosleeping work but I don't want her to only sleep with me. This problem has also led to me really neglecting my dh as well.

Also my husband is going to be out of town soon and I worry about how I will meet my 2 year olds needs at night as well when I am on my own. My 2 year old is in her own room and bed and that works well for her we just go into her at night if she needs us. She sleeps through sometimes but other times she just needs some love in the night. She is still a baby too in a lot of ways so I don't want to neglect her. She can't sleep with me. Whenever I try to bring her into my bed she gets worked up and starts to wrestle and jump and such. She also can be rough and wake up the 5 month old.

Is it possible to cosleep but also have a baby sleep alone some as well? How do the rest of you deal with this? Anya used to sleep in her cosleeper bassinet some but now she wants nothing to do with that. Just one of my many struggles as of late since I became a mom of two.

[GrumpyMom]

(((hugs))) it must be really hard trying to meet everyone's needs and it sounds like you're doing a good job. i think it's totally natural for some babies to want to be held and snuggled 24/7 until 4 or 6 months of age. Maybe your dd#2 is so used to the carrier that she's just not used to sleeping alone in a still environment. There is nothing wrong with that and it means you've done a great job meeting her needs for touch and comfort. Maybe just try to gradually "wean" her from sleeping while moving. Do you have a crib set up. We actually used ours more when ds was younger (not at all now) for those early evening times when I needed to put him to bed and leave him. Maybe dd has outgrown the bassinet and is waking herself up by touching the sides when she moves around. You don't NEED a crib (in case you've gotten rid of yours), we just used it as a safe place for him before we went to bed at night. You could still just use the bed. How do you put her to sleep? Now that she's a little older and has good head control you could try nursing her to sleep while lying in bed (rather than rocking or slinging). Then you can sneak away. If she falls asleep in the same environment she wakes up in she'll be less likely to wake completely. A few other things to try - try slinging her to sleep w/o nursing once in a while. If she can fall asleep without nursing sometimes she'll have an easier time falling back asleep on her own (my ds NEVER would have done this so don't feel bad if you try it and it won't work). I helped ds stay alseep by putting a small pillow up against him as if it were me nursing him - but when they are little like your dd you have to keep an eye on them so they don't bury their face in the pillow. If you have a bassinet or safe place to lay dd down where she is in your clear sight you could try the pillow thing - my friend tried it and said it worked. They laid the baby on the floor on a blanket and snuggled a pillow against her. Don't be alarmed by this method, but don't leave the baby unattended either! Or you could try nursing her on the bed, sneak out after alseep, go back in a nurse her when she wakes, sneak back out after asleep, etc etc. It is annoying and you can't get much else accomplished but it won't last forever and it gradually gets her used to sleeping without having you beside her.

Any way you slice it, it's a hard age for sleep. Most babies need a lot of mommy's help to sleep. It will have to be a gradual change. Just do a little each day. Do you have a bedtime routine? Even little infants recognize the cues for bedtime. I think it helps them determine day sleep from night sleep. Ds has always had a good sleep window in the evening (never mind about the wee hours of teh morning LOL). We've done bath, stories, nursing every night from about 8 weeks of age on. Keep telling dh that this is the season that dd is going to need more attention, it won't last forever. It WILL get better. Hugs!

[milkmommy]

We did a side car arrangment till we night weined at 9 months (and she could stand up) then she slept in her crib but still shared our room. SO yes I think its possible and it worked great for us.

Deanna

[LauraK]

Thanks for the support anf for the specific help grumpymom. We are going to set up the crib next to our bed so I can have her nap in it and start the night in it (or at least I'll try). It converted to a toddler bed and my two year old was using it but we put her on a mattress on the floor and just ordered her a bed that will be here in a month of so.

Right now she is sleeping alone and did go 30 minutes the other day so things are improving. I do often nurse her to sleep laying in bed. That makes the night awakenings much easier.

I am going to start doing NCSS and see if I can get a better system working for us. I did this with my now two year old and it worked but somehow with two it is hard for me to even time to pick up the book. Also my older daughter was over one. I know it goes fast. I can't believe my baby is almost 6 months already.

I try to do a routine but she is hard to get to sleep so it is not consistent. I know no definite way to get her to sleep so the routine is not firmly established. I do remember things getting a bit better with dd#1 at about 6 months so we shall see.....