AP and other peoples kids

[akmyilee]

Ok, I don't have any friends that ascribe to this parenting philophy, most of my firends for that matter are kinda a ministry to me, I don't know that might sound wierd but, well I don't have any friends that I really get anything out of, it is more like me giving. Ok, well with that said. I watch 2 little boys, one is just turned 3 and the other is almost 5. They are a mess, but it is good for Kyle to have friend to play with (under my watchful eye), I think they all learn alot when they are together. I have been trying to spend some one on one time with each of them, snuggling, holding, stuff like that when they are here, I don't think that they get alot of that at home. It helps with their behaviors when they are over here a little, but they are very resistant, they will sit on my lap for a second but that is about it. Also, they won't sit still at all, we just went to the park for over an hour and they ran hard the whole time and so now we are going to have a "relaxing" time (that is what I call it for Kyle but I hope he falls asleep). I put in the Incredables (that movie is for another post) but they will not sit still, they sneak around when I am not looking and get toys, they get up and walk around. I don't know, am I being too tough on them, they aren't used to "relaxing" time but I guess because Kyle only gets so much TV that when I let him watch something he will set and watch it. Especially when he has just been running wild all afternoon. I am trying to do the 5 steps thing with them but they mostly ignore me or argue when I ask them to do something. Ofcourse if their mom was here they would flat out tell her NO! and do the oppisite. I don't know, (I guess this is turning into more of a vent then a question, a rambling vent for that matter) I wish that I could let their mom know some of the stuff that I have learned, I wish that they where not so out of control and mean. I don't know what to say or so though.

[DogwoodMama]

I like what you say about your friends being your ministry. :heart I think it's great you can give these boys a little extra affection... I think that little boys get so prickly and rough around the edges when they don't get enough loving, afffectionate touches... I really do think of it as socializing, and while it's somehow easier to hug and be affectionate with little girls I think little boys may need it even more, because they are so physical.

In terms of the moms, you are modeling as best as you can... I really do think that actions speak louder than words, although I'm sure over time you'll be able to share a bit about your philosophy. It sounds trying, but also sounds like you are doing a great job! :)

If you're having trouble with the 5 steps, do you think it's because it's so totally different than how they are normally engaged with, so maybe it'll take a little time for them to be able to respond? :think

[snlmama]

Just a few thoughts (as the mom of a nearly 3 year old and a 5 1/2 year old boys) - not all children like to cuddle w/ non parents. My oldest is one of those. He will snuggle w/ me for hours, but freaks if anyone else touches him. So, I wouldn't push cuddling w/ the boys if they don't want to (not saying you are, just thought I'd say that since you seem concerned that they don't like to).
Also, I do not think you are expecting too much for them to have a rest time. I still expect this from my 5 1/2 year old on nonschool days. If you are regularly caring for these boys they will eventually get it, but you will have to be firm and consistent. At our house, if you follow the rest time rules (stay in the room you choose, lie or sit down, don't disturb others...) you can watch tv or play quietly w/ a quiet toy (stuffed animal, books and such) during that time. If you do not, you go lay on your bed for rest time and don't get the privilege of TV and toys. Don't know if you are comfortable enforcing something like that w/ these boys - you may sit here on your blanket and watch TV or you may go in the other room and lay down on your blanket. If they start running around or making noise tell them they are choosing to go in the other room. :shrug This has worked w/ both of my boys and they are pretty active don't want to sit still types also. :smile

[Soliloquy]

I think what you are doing is awesome! It will probably take awhile to see the fruits of your ministry and much of it you may never see. You're offering an alternative to what they have at home. I still have warm fuzzy thoughts about some of the homes I visited as a child--they just felt peaceful and loving. I never knew what it was, but I knew I wanted it. When I was exploring AP during my pregnancy, I realized that this might be the key to rounding out our Christian home. I knew I wanted more for my family than I had growing up (in a loving, but detached and inconsistent home, if it even seems possible that all those things could co-exist!). Whenever I was tempted by the "order" and "independence" that Dobson and Ferber preached, I kept thinking back to the warm fuzzy feelings I had for those homes I visited as a child. I wanted my kids to LOVE their home and LOVE their parents--and not out of duty they way I do.

So, keep up the great work and know you're making a difference, even if you never get to see it.