i think i'm backsliding :(

[mrsramjet]

hi all.
i am feeling all unsettled and confused.
the last few days have been a little fraught. i have found all this aggression welling up in me. i have had these thoughts of anger against my kids just go through my mind. i have instigated a comfort corner and have spent more time there than the kids. :rolleyes thing is they want to come and help me feel better and i just want them to go away for a few moments.
on the one hand i am doing so well. being really proactive and setting them up for success and 'collecting' them really effectively when they're getting a bit wired. we have all had lots of cuddles and 'i love you' s.
then on the other i just think they need a big smack and that they need to do what i say when i say it.
at those times i am just so harsh with my tone of voice and my actions have no gentleness to them at all. i haven't smacked, but i have been a little rough. i can feel myself getting sarcastic with dd. i HATE that in me. I HATE IT!

i was following some links about marriage. i am trying so hard to do the wife thing right and not resent the hell out of my dh for his needs. yk? (not talking 'the deed' just general stuff in life)
so i end up at the woodshed and a few other places.

now i'm all full of doubts that i'm doing the right thing. am i forfeiting my kids' chance to learn to be well behaved and so they and the whole family are going to suffer more in the years ahead - especially the teenage years..... doesn't it make sense to teach them to obey when they're little and then all the issues later on come back to that and become non issues......
ok even as i type this i know it's not as cut and dried as that. i know that my daughter is blossoming with the respect she senses from me now. but she's becoming so argumentative!!!!!

moderators if you want to delete this please do. i don't want to put a stumbling block in front of those just joining.
i only feel like this when i read pursuasive stuff from a punitive point of view.
i never feel like this after i've spent the evening on gcm or ab (australian site) so i should take that as evidence to where i am at peace.

sorry to be so whiney.
.....................................

[GotMyHeartFull]

:hug

[Chris3jam]

:hkiss :cup :cookie:hug

[MarynMunchkins]

:hug I think we all go through periods like this. I know I do. Honestly, these are the times where lots of study and work learning *why* GBD is important and how the grace of God works are important. Because you end up being strengthened as a parent and comforted as a child of God. I know I have to actively spend more time reading God's word than the punitive sites. (And I do it online :) )

Hang in there! :hug

[TulipMama]

*hug*

I go through cycles, too, of feeling everything "clicking" and feeling things be a real struggle.

Sometimes what I need is more cuddle time with the kids to reconnect and "feel" like doing my mommy jobs.

Other times I need some quiet time, alone time, prayer time--to be centered and recharged.

Praying for peace and for wisdom for you today.

*hug*

[ArmsOfLove]

Ahhhh you *are* teaching them to obey--it just looks different than you've been told it should look :)

and it sounds like you are coming up against ingrained old tapes that are playing in your head and threatening the tapes you're trying to replace them with. Old tapes don't like to be turned off ;) Ask God what he's trying to teach you *right now* and be open to the lessons, work through this, move forward, and enjoy your comfort corner :) :hug

[Tamara]

I'm with you, honey. This has been a very stressful 4 months. :hug

[jmh1013]

:pray

[mrsramjet]

oh thank you so much for this reassurrance.
one of my old tapes is that i 'should be able to manage' without asking advice all the time. that i 'should be able to' whatever........
even learning that i can online and say this stuff and that's ok is so valuable to me.
thank you.

Ahhhh you *are* teaching them to obey--it just looks different than you've been told it should look :)
Ask God what he's trying to teach you *right now* and be open to the lessons, work through this, move forward, and enjoy your comfort corner :) :hug


i actuall teared up at this....... *sigh* i think i must be tired.
no that's spot on. thank you.

:hug I think we all go through periods like this. I know I do. Honestly, these are the times where lots of study and work learning *why* GBD is important and how the grace of God works are important. Because you end up being strengthened as a parent and comforted as a child of God. I know I have to actively spend more time reading God's word than the punitive sites. (And I do it online :) )

Hang in there! :hug

yes, to this too.
and thanks to you others for your hugs and reassurances. i really do appreciate it.

ok, well we've been up for near 2 hours and so far so good............

[ArmsOfLove]

Hey, Jo, stop "shoulding" on yourself ;) (((((((((((( :hug)))))))))))))))

[mrsramjet]

Hey, Jo, stop "shoulding" on yourself ;) (((((((((((( :hug)))))))))))))))


yeh ishould[i][/ishouldn't]i? ;) :P
:heartflower