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prayerbear
03-24-2005, 10:08 PM
Can we love our kids too much?

How does loving them too much perhaps prepare them for a fall if their husband does not meet the needs we have perhaps created?

Could our hugging and love perhaps create a need in them that would not be matched later on in married life?

Am I worrying too much?

flowermama
03-24-2005, 10:56 PM
good questions!

I feel that all the lovin' I give my children will help them to grow into healthier and stronger adults.

And when I remember, I pray for their future spouses! :heart

prayerbear
03-24-2005, 11:10 PM
Yes I pray for their spouces too. :highfive

DogwoodMama
03-25-2005, 06:04 AM
I think that the more we love them and give them affection, the more "filled up" they will be and will have less need to go looking for it in the wrong places, and they will be better able to endure "dry spells" in their adult life and then be able to move into secure, loving relationships. So, no, when you consider "love" in the fullest sense of the word, as loving actions a parent does for a child, I don't think you can love a child too much. :)

Wonder Woman
03-25-2005, 06:28 AM
No. I think that by loving, cuddling, kissing - and treating with respect - our dc, we are teaching them what healthy relationships are. We aren't creating a need for physical affection in an unhealthy dynamic. And if you're *really* worried about it, you can always arrange dates with other GCM kids! :cool :P

But not mine...he's not getting married until he's at least 40 :shifty

Embracing Grace
03-25-2005, 08:21 AM
I definitely think that nurturing our children right now will create a healthy love appetite in them in the future. I think of my own upbringing- my parents were not very cuddly with me as a child. I spent much time alone. Now, as an adult, I have to deal with a lot of unhealthy love-hunger issues. I think I just grew up starving for love and physical affection. It's definitely something that dh and I have to deal with every day (my sometimes unreasonable expectations of him, etc.) :( I am blessed that the Lord has taken me in to meet all my needs though. :hearts

JMHO.

TulipMama
03-25-2005, 08:32 PM
Reality is that no spouse, no one person, is going to meet all of our needs.

And that's hard.

But I do think that along with Christian APing our kids and cuddling and snuggling and loving them, along the way we will also model and teach them to turn to God. That our spouses will fail us (and them) but God's love is steadfast. (Though, sometimes what I really want is a hug, not practice in living out my theology. *grin*)

I also think that communicating our constant love, love they don't have to "earn," will provide one of the resources they need when they are adults. Whether we are able to be with them in person when they are struggling or not--they can still draw upon the fact "My Dad and Mom have loved me and accepted me for who I am." (And this is coming from me, and the past couple of years of struggles--even though my parents are far away and I don't talk to them about my problems, I know they are there, and that they love me and accept me. I can't express how much that has been important to me.)

prayerbear
03-25-2005, 09:31 PM
Reality is that no spouse, no one person, is going to meet all of our needs.

And that's hard.

Thank you this is part of the lesson we can teach through our example.

Great point. You have helped me alot with that one. :idea

MamaBeth
03-26-2005, 10:01 AM
I don't think we can love our children too much. I'm coming from the opposite perspective than your question, where I was not loved as a child. My mother is very distant, both emotionally and physically. It's led to many problems in my marriage because it left me insecure and doubtful and to where I need constant attention all the time.

My children growing up secure within themselves won't be looking elsewhere for the attention they need, and they won't be emotional leeches when they do find someone who loves them.

AttachedMamma
03-31-2005, 03:38 PM
I think of my own upbringing- my parents were not very cuddly with me as a child. I spent much time alone. Now, as an adult, I have to deal with a lot of unhealthy love-hunger issues.

That makes perfect sense to me. And :hug to you b/c I understand.

I think loving our children AP-style gives them a healthy yardstick by which to measure relationships by. They will not have a tendency to gravitate towards unhealthy relationships when they have our AP love as a model. :hearts As for what to do when their DH doesn't always live up to their expectations...well, that's where Christ comes in. IMHO, between AP love and Christ's model of love, we're giving them the creme de la creme. ;)

milkmommy
03-31-2005, 03:53 PM
Can we love our kids too much?

How does loving them too much perhaps prepare them for a fall if their husband does not meet the needs we have perhaps created?

Could our hugging and love perhaps create a need in them that would not be matched later on in married life?

Am I worrying too much?


No you cannot love too much. Love isn't something that's limited and gets divided between family and friends. Its forever replenishing it self. I will provide my children 100% love and nothing less. I hope she will except nothing less from her future spouse.

Deanna

prayerbear
04-01-2005, 01:47 AM
I hope she will except nothing less from her future spouse.

This was and is my worry.

My dh is very loving but I dont expect it and I know I dont 'show' my love for him very often.

I think along with showing them love we have to also show them how to understand love and ways of showing love. This will help them to express love to others in ways that others recognise it and also that they will understand how others show love to them.

I think that is a helpful lesson to learn and I will contine to think about this more and how we can teach the children these lessons.

Radosny Matka
04-01-2005, 01:24 PM
If you are talking strictly love, then no, you cannot love a child too much. However, sometimes things, such a smoothering/overprotecting/spoiling/giving too much/etc are done in the name of love (but it's not love), and that is where problems can occur.

lenswyf
04-02-2005, 05:45 AM
I don't know if this will make sense. It's a little random.

God refers to himself many times as our Father. As a result, people often look to their own experiences with their fathers to define that word. If their father was harsh, then they expect that God will be harsh. If their father was loving, they expect love. Distant... distance. Etc.

Therefore, I see our treatment of our children as having an important role in their personal relationship with God. Not that sad early experiences cannot be overcome by the Holy Spirit, but I do think our children will be more open to the Lord if they have experienced care in our homes. Yet, we are human and we will fail at times. That is where we must trust God to intervene.

Ultimately, as they grow and mature, our children need to learn that their happiness cannot be found in people. Their happiness, their peace, needs to be found in God, for only he knows them to our inner core and only he can meet their need for unconditional love. Only he is sinless. Family, friends, spouses will sin against one another. They cannot help it -- it's part of being human. But if one's security is found in being loved by the Lord, one will not be devatated when someone doesn't live up to some expectation or when they do something against them. To me, that is the greatest gift, a gift that will protect them from so much harm and pain.

So, even while we are loving them up and down and left and right, I think it is important to be talking to children from an early age about the fact that God loves them even more than we do. When things are hard, we need to redirect their focus on God's love for them, his care for them, so that they learn early that their peace lies with him.

schoolofmom
04-02-2005, 09:29 AM
{{{prayerbear}}} It's okay to have really high expectations of your spouse. As long as your children know that only God can truly fill the void in their hearts, then they won't be looking to a spouse to fulfill that need. And if they are raised to have high expectations of spousal affection, they will find someone who fills those expectations. Either that, or (we pray) their relationship with God will be strong enough to keep them from settling for someone who will make them unhappy.

ArmsOfLove
04-02-2005, 09:44 AM
based on the Biblical definition of love I don't believe we can love them too much.

I believe problems arise when we block the natural consequences from them to the point that we create a cocoon that shields them from reality. If they expect others to protect them from all natural consequences they will forever be disappointed.