specific situation......need help!!

[lovemytwins]

First I want to say what a blessing this board is. With the little time I have, I try to check the board often.....you all are very helpful and wise. Thank you! Here goes,my bad day.... :cry

My MIL(Christian,pro-spanking) and I took my toddler twin boys shopping at an outdoor mall. They are usually fine,not today. They screamed or whined often,did not want to stay in their jogger and while walking holding our hands tried to get away or had a little tantru. My MIL and I are in a debate about discipline right now,so I felt sort of stressed about how to handle things. I gave her a copy of Heartfelt Discipline-she thought it was ridiculous.
So during their tantrums or wrestling with me to get away,not listening etc I would bear hug,and tell them to stop or no.......it was like total chaos,I was at a loss. I even prayed during one of the tantrums, I was so in need of help. During an attempted escape from the stroller I swatted one of my boys on the bottom(so regret it) My MIL was thrilled. It was as if she thought she won something. She said sometimes you have to spank and he was being disobedient. I eventually brought the boys to the car and drove around while she shopped. My boys are very strong and solid, so I have a hard time bear hugging or physically removing them from a situation. Oh man, I don't know what I am doing and feel as if we can never leave the house again. What should I have done? I so want to understand GBD and have it come naturally!! I'm so tired and hope I'm making sense. Could this behaviour just be their age? :heart

In Christ-
MiMi

[Joanne]

Oh, hon! You had almost 3 yo boy twins at the mall with a hostile MIL. I'd whine, cry, run and tantrum, too. :hissyfit :banghead

If I were in that situation with my kids, I'd tell the kids "Being at the mall is a privilege that comes with behavior standards. You are not meeting those standards so we are leaving". And I'd leave.

And then I would work on setting firm boundaries with my MIL so that I didn't set myself and my children up for misery during future events and visits.

Your parenting and discipline choices are not for debate. Don't debate or defend. Tell her that the discussion is closed.

[MarynMunchkins]

Frankly, I'd consider getting out of the house with twins and my mil a success. ;)

I agree with Joanne - I would have left the mall, and told my mil that she's not welcome to offer punitive advice or discipline. Period, end of discussion. As far as her seeing you actually spank, I would make it very clear that you regret it, that God has convicted you that it was wrong, and you won't be doing it again. It needs to be made clear, or she will use it against you in the future.

:hug Wouldn't you love some family support for GBD?

[CelticJourney]

<<Your parenting and discipline choices are not for debate. Don't debate or defend. Tell her that the discussion is closed. >>

Amen! I would like to point out that the tension from the 'debate' being allowed can certainly be picked up by children. I imagine if you look back on it, you will find a trigger that set them on an unhappy path and it may have been mil. Overall, three year olds and the mall are an explosive combination to begin with.

[lovemytwins]

Hmmm,as I look back at it.....I think my MIL may have contributed to their tantrums. Too hard to put into words,lets just say we do things very different. The Lord has given me more boldness with our decision to GBD lately. The first yr we were punitive. So with that said, we actually sat them down and my dh told them that we have prayed about this and the Lord has clearly shown us that spanking is not biblical and we explained how we discipline. He told them it was not up for debate.BUT,my MIL has a way of making comments to me or others about us and I have given up trying to control that. I'm going to keep praying that the Lord softens her heart to this. Now, I just need to stop getting flustered when my boys have a tantrum etc!

[jmh1013]

Toddler Twins and MIL.............I think you achieved purple heart status for agreeing to go to start with! hehe, just kidding :hearts

[ArmsOfLove]

and, yes, it is partly their age!