Whining and Crying--Nothing's fun anymore

[Tamara]

I've been really trying to plan our day so that Mara and I have fun things to do together so that we're not in a pattern of boredom and aggravating each other. So today, we were going to go to the library, the post office to mail out wooden eggs we decorated for family, and then to eat at a local hotdog joint. I explained all of this to Mara, but the whole time in the car, she was a mess. :hissyfitShe was loud, noisey, then crying and whining about being "stuck" in her carseat. I told her I wouldn't take her to eat hotdogs/french fries if she was going to cry the whole time. But she never stopped. As soon as we left the post office, I went home, with her crying/whining the whole way. :hissyfitOnly now, she doesn't want to go home. I asked what she wanted to do b/c all the things I thought we coud do she cried about so then the only option is home.

I'm so frustrated that even when I try to plan a day, she's just difficult to be around. So, what would you do? :shrug

[Radosny Matka]

Gee, I'm not sure. (I know, REAL helpful, Sara ;) ). I have a kid who begs to go out. In the instance of today though, I really think you did the right thing. She will learn that :hissyfit gets her nothing. Is she going through a growth spurt or something to explain the whinning? Three is SUCH a tough age. Ds are almost 4. Phew! I made it. ;)

[Joanne]

Hang in there, it sounds like you are doing the right thing.

Congratulations on the proactive discipline choice of structuring good times together and staying out of bad cycles!

She will soon learn that the condition for going somewhere is good behavior. It won't take long, I promise. It will just *seem* long. :hissyfit

[Tamara]

I'm a little frustrated today because the plan was to go to the craft store for the kids craft at 3pm and then to the gym at 4pm. Well, it's almost 4, and I've been telling her for 45 min to put on her shoes if she wanted to go to craft time. Now, we'll have to miss it to get to the gym, or I'd have to *possibly* miss gym. As it is, I think I'll go to the gym (gotta loose some weight) and forget craft time b/c I told her we'd go *when* she put on shoes.

I'm hoping that she can see that her decisions will determine how the day goes (to some extent), but I'm afraid it's lost on her. Anyway, she likes the gym (kids' play place while I'm working out), so that should still be fun.

Thanks for the help!

[MarynMunchkins]

She's 2.5. :think The threat "do this, and than we will..." doesn't even work for Ana, and she's 4. :/ I honestly wonder if you're expecting her to do too much on her own instead of just helping her along. If it takes 45 minutes to get shoes on, you'll never get anything done.

I'd prompt her with a reminder "remember we have craft time and how much fun we had last time" and I'd help her with her shoes. :) Sometimes kids get so overwhelmed and frustrated with reality that everything results in :hissyfit

[ReadingMommy]

My dd who is going to be 6 in about 6 weeks still grumbles and complains and takes the fun out of normal routine things. I can totally relate to what you're going through, it started with her around 2.5. I highly recommend you read "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. Sounds like your dd is intense, like mine. dd#2 isn't like that, and sometimes I feel so guilty, because I ENJOY being around her! Most days I can barely tolerate my oldest. :blushPraying about that.....

Hang in there, keep seeking wisdom! :)

[LauraK]

can you do the five steps with shoes? she might not be capable of thinking ahead so much and need help getting dressed to go? It seems crazy sometimes but at least my 2 year old needs help making the right choice with getting dressed and ready to go and it has once and awhile gotten to the point of me holding her down and putting shoes on her against her will(imagine lots of crying and flailing). Then she might have some big feelings, some cuddling and we are off and she has fun. Now we usually don't get to the fifth step as often.

Also, is she getting enough sleep and regular snacks?

[Tamara]

Well, with the shoe thing today, she could have asked for help, and I reminded her several times. I decided not to push it b/c it wasn't a biggie, and I didn't want to make it one. It was frustrated that we didn't get to go do crafts today, but it was her choice and she was calm during the time we waited--not pitching fits or tantruming. Possibly, I could have rushed her and kept the calm, but I'm satisfied with just taking it out of our schedule. (Frustrated the plan didn't come together, but satisfied with how I handled the rearranged schedule.)

"When you do _____, we'll do ______." Not a threat, it's a conditional. B/c she didn't, we didn't.

Sleep is getting better, and we regularly offer her snacks. 5 steps is hard for me. I really need to practice more. Usually, I just do "you need to" and "do you need help?" Then I skip to "okay, I'll help you" and help her with whatever. I read somewhere that younger kids need a shorter version of 5 steps. Is that right? Anyway, I'm trying to do it, and I think it helps, but I need to get better at it.