HELP! 3 yo and "creative" peeing

[Iarwain]

I am so frustrated with Lemur today. He has been experimenting with different and unusual places to pee. Today he peed through the upstairs railing down on the steps below. Just walked right up, pointed it between two of the banister posts and let 'er rip! I heard the splatter and came running to see pee running down the wall, puddled on the ledge at the top of the stairs and all over at least half of the steps. :sick From a six or more foot height there's quite a splatter! I was so mad I think there was smoke coming out of my ears. Yesterday it was in his little red wagon. I heard it that time, too, but what really got me was that I had just cleaned up another spill in the wagon that I *thought* was water. :mad Arggghh! This has got to stop!!!!! It is so gross!!!! I never know where I'm going to find another "surprise".

I need some cooler heads to give me ideas on how to handle this. I am too upset to think clearly. I'm not sure if he's doing it for the kicks or if he's just too lazy to walk all the way to the toilet or what, but I suspect the former. Somebody help me deal with this rationally before I blow my top.

[Danette]

:laughtears :laughtears OK... now that that is out of my system.

Have you tried having him clean up each mess?? My kids hate cleaning up their own messes.

Have you explained to him that if he can't make it to the potty that you will help?? Help in my home might consist of me walking my child to the bathroom every 30 minutes. I know my kids would get tired of that quick and decide to start using the bathroom so I'd quit helping.

What about a reward system. I'm not a huge fan of them but a short week long one might do just the trick. I'd have him pick out a toy or a special treat and put a picture by potty and remind him that if he uses the potty he will earn that item. 1 week would be just enough time to reset the habit of using the potty.

I'm just spouting ideas off the top of my head...... I'm sure you'll get some other great ideas too and we'll find something that works. ;)

[ArmsOfLove]

definately include him in the clean up.

also, he's only 3. Is he mature enough to be out of diapers? If this is happening as often as you say I'd probably put him back in diapers and let him know he can be back in underwear when he's ready to get his pee in the potty.

[Iarwain]

He just did it again. This time he peed into the little hole in the wooden ball that goes on the top of Noodle's stacking ring set. Then he threw it at his older brother. :sick :sick :sick Absolutely disgusting. I came back online to check for responses 'cause I'm too frustrated to deal with it appropriately. I am at my wits end.

He thinks cleaning it up is funny! He seems to revel in the joy of his "handiwork". The diapers sound appealing at this moment, but do I really want to go back to changing diapers on a kid that's been potty trained for months? He's been using the toilet independently for quite some time with a minimum of accidents. And these aren't accidents. There's no question about that. He's not particularly bothered by wet pants (will happily play for hours in his soaking wet night-time pants given the chance even though he can easily take them off himself) so I doubt that would be much of a motivation either.

If it were summer I think I'd probably teach him to pee off the back porch. Then he could have his fun that way and not make gross messes. But it's too cold for that.

[ArmsOfLove]

I guess the question is whether you'd prefer to clean it up from all over the house, or if diapers would be easier on you? I would think that if he really wants the freedom of not being in diapers, he will quickly comply with where you're wiling to have him pee. If not, then he's not ready for the freedom.

[Mamaka]

ITA with Crystal. diapers might be the answer.

One other thought I had was making it more fun to go in the toilet then in these other places. Like giving him something to "shoot" at (like cheerios or something else flushable).

[Iarwain]

I guess the question is whether you'd prefer to clean it up from all over the house, or if diapers would be easier on you? I would think that if he really wants the freedom of not being in diapers, he will quickly comply with where you're wiling to have him pee. If not, then he's not ready for the freedom.


I guess when it comes right down to it neither of those options are acceptable to me. He needs to stop doing this without putting me through the extreme nuisance and extra work of months of diapers and potty training all over again. I do not think that regressing to that stage is the answer to a temporary fascination. There are children who simply do not care about wet pants and will happily wear diapers until they are four or five or even older. I'm not going there.

When I calmed down a little more this afternoon I did break out the Cheerios to make using the toilet more interesting. When dh came home we had a little talk with him. We will be instituting consequences if it continues. Perhaps that would be some peoples' idea of the "P" word, but right now I don't care. I need a certain level of sanity in my home and if a few timeouts will achieve that, then so be it. I hope it doesn't become necessary, but if I exhaust all my other tools then we need to do something.

[Katherine]

oh, believe me.. I KNOW exactly what you are going through. I've been through it with my ds.. only it was typically poop too, instead of just pee. (even more gross) I've scrubbed stains out of the carpet, tossed out some toy trucks because they went off-roading in the poop :sick, and even had to cut out a section of my upstairs carpet and patch it with scrap carpet and duct tape. Fun for me!! :hissyfit And even though I ALWAYS involved him in cleaning up and was very clear about why his toy was getting thrown out, he didn't seem to care at all. He would play and sing and say that cleaning up was fun. :neutral (and just fyi for all who might be reading, I tried to clean the truck first time it happened, but after 2 hours of scrubbing/soaking and still not being able to pick all the poop out of the crevices, I gave up, and let ds know I would not clean up any vehicles if it happened again. I just can't stand the thought of poop germs being driven all over the house via a toy truck)

Diapers vs. big boy pants didn't make any difference for us. He could take either one off at will and still poop on the floor or wherever else he wanted. I don't want to argue with a decision you've already made, but I can tell you that a consequence-oriented approach to the problems just made it worse for us. Dh absolutely flips about stuff like this, and he pulled out all the stops trying to change ds's behavior, but no matter what he threatened as a consequence or promised as a reward... it didn't improve things, and it *did* cause a lot of anger, hurt, and fear for everyone. Just my experience....

The thing that helped ME the most was to just chill out, be very matter of fact (but honest about my feelings) when I had to clean up a mess, and believe that he would use the toilet when he was ready. Basically... not allowing it to be an emotional trigger for me.

The thing that helped HIM the most was more attention from me, so that he didn't NEED to resort to negative behaviors--specifically some more "baby" attention like his little brother was getting. Also changing his diet, working harder to accommodate his desire for privacy (little brother had learned to open doors and would burst in on him before I realized what was happening), and just keeping him with me more. He was typically pooping when I left him playing alone to go put the baby down, so I just started taking him with me, even though it was more trouble. I also took the opportunity to teach him a little more about germs, etc.

I think Dannette's suggestion about taking him frequently is great... make sure you present it in a positive way. "Let's help keep your bladder empty so you won't have any more accidents" and not "You are going to pee in the potty EVERY 30 min. until you STOP peeing everywhere!" If he starts getting frustrated, you can remind him of your expectations very sincerely and then give him another chance to do it himself. You might also want to just have him "try" to go at certain times of the day EVERY day if he doesn't already.

I know how infuriating it is at the moment, but he won't be in this stage forever. Some creative approaches and a little more time might resolve the situation without introducing a power struggle over the issue.

Hope I haven't offended... :hug I remember reading other ppl's post about how 3 was a tough age, and then thinking about how incredibly RIGHT they all were when my ds turned 3. :lol

[kris10s]

:hug I hate cleaning up intentional, gross messes :hug

On the Cheerios front -- my 4 yo brother in law definitely thought cheapy fruit loops were even more exciting.