parents as a "united front"

[greenemama]

so the supernanny was saying to the parents on last night's show that they needed to be "a united front" and needed to "work as a team" when dealing with their children. i did agree that the mom and the dad needed to be on the same page, etc., but i was wondering about this concept of the parents on one side, the children on the other, putting parents against children. sure, sometimes it's going to *feel* like that, especially to the kids when boundaries need to be enforced, but is this another negative discipline "technique" that supernanny employs, or am i just overly sensitive. :O

one of my favorite "crystalisms" :D is the concept of the family is a team, the parents are the leaders, when one person loses, everyone loses, when one wins, they all win. does a "united front" work in the "family as team" scenario? or is that a two team mentality?

[kris10s]

I think that the two different visions can comport. I do see family as a team, but the parents are the coaches. You can't have one coach saying to pass and the other to shoot, kwim? So, a united front in parental leadership helps the team to work together better.

[ArmsOfLove]

it's another case, imo, of Supernanny missing the boat but using a good tool :rolleyes

I don't believe parents have to be on the same page for a home to be peaceful and good disciplilne to exist. It certainly is easier and better if they are, though! I think it's a great goal, but I don't think discipline has to wait until it is reached :) I'm also bothered by Supernanny using 'discipline" interchangeably with "punishment". Her "naughty chair" *is* her discipline--the other stuff is 'techniques" when she talks about them :shrug

So Supernanny wants them on the same page to be a united front in the battle with children. I'd say it's best to be on the same page and be a united front in your coaching plan :)

[TulipMama]

Wow! Great analogy, Kristen. (And of course it's basketball. . . *L*)


For us, a "united front" means that Hubby and I are careful not to undermine the other intentionally. Also it means that if the boys ask one parent something, their answer sticks--don't go ask the other one! But Hubby and I are different people, with different personalities and different ways of handling the kids. Though we are both striving to be gentle, we aren't cookie-cutters and we don't do things exactly the same way. I don't think that is necessary for a "united front."

[greenemama]

i guess what bothered me was the battle-imagery in the phrase "united front." while many days and moments feel like "battles" should they be perceived by me, by parents) as a battleground, us against them? i don't think so.

to me being on the "same page" says that we both agree that something must be done discipline wise, we may be on different paragraphs, (where is the splitting hairs emoticon? :) )but overall we believe in discipline, healthy boundaries, etc., as opposed to the dad on the show who thought it was ok for the 3 yo to run around in the street. :wow

[kris10s]

TG - Hey, it could also be soccer! ;)

I agree, Mollie, the imagery leaves something to be desired.

[sadie]

Mollie ITU what you are saying. That sort of thing bothers me a lot too. I like the way Crystal put it, that it's more about two coaches agreeing on plays that will benefit the team. :)

But Supernanny puts it like it's an us vs. them mentality, like you have to be united against your enemy. :rolleyes

Why, oh why, do people view their children like this? It is baffling to me. Well, of course, not everyone has the benefit of loving GBD parents to turn to for common sense advice (thanks Crystal!) :mrgreen :heart