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View Full Version : Church is very Ezzo, what would you do?


jennifer2boys
03-21-2005, 10:00 PM
I have been struggling with this for awhile. Our church that we have been at for about 4-5 yrs does a lot of Growing kids God's way classes and lately it seems like they are pushing them all that more. When we went last week I was handed a paper on their up coming adolecent class :rolleyes It is a large church (around 1000) and I don't always run into people who are doing the Ezzo thing, but it is happening more and more as they keep offering the classes more and more. My question is what would you do in this situation? Leave? Stay? The funny thing is in every other way the church is very grace-based, more so than any other I have been too. I am so tore what to do. :/

erinee
03-22-2005, 03:06 AM
I think I would stay, but that's partly because I take leaving a church almost as seriously as leaving a marriage. If you're happy with everything else,I would just ignore the Ezzo stuff, as I did when my church offered the classes (fortunately they only offered them once), and if it continues to bother you maybe talk with someone about offering an alternative class. Maybe you can be a good influence there. However, if it starts to influence *you* in a negative way, where you're tempted to use those parenting techniques because of pressure, that would be the time to start looking for another church, IMO.

Wendy
03-22-2005, 06:28 AM
This may be a little passive-agressive, but here's what I did when our old church was offering GKGW when we first started attending. DS was just over a year old and he would stay with us in the service during the praise time, and then my dh or I would alternate weeks to take him into the nursery and just stay with him there. (They had the service on closed-circuit tv). Anyway, even though we were in there, we still had to sign him in on the attendance form, and under special instructions, we always wrote "Pls. page us if he cries. We are NOT 'Growing kids God's Way." See www.ezzo.info" Those attendance sheets got reviewed every week. I don't know if anyone actually did go to the website but the class was not offered again. If it had been, I was prepared to write a letter to the church leadership. If it comes to that for you, by the way, I would suggest not recommending an alternative curriculum because if you're pushing an agenda, I think it weakens the arguments against Ezzo--and those can definitely stand on their own.

Incidentally, I ended up becoming very involved in the nursery ministry and was able to introduce ideas about gentle parenting just by talking to parents and getting to know them and their kids.

CelticJourney
03-22-2005, 06:35 AM
Maybe you could pray about approaching the minister. The first time I talked to our pastor about Ezzo he appeared very cold and unresponsive. I found out later that he was just so shocked that he didn't know what to say. Sometimes they take the word of someone that a program is good and just don't do the research. Ezzo is now gone from my church.

I recommend you go to Ezzo.info and print off articles to give them (keep a copy!). Try as much as possible to have 'real life' contacts for authors and statements so they pastor can call and confirm them if he wants - this combats upfront the 'you can't believe everything you read on the net' agrument.

I would be sure to get:
Statements from Churches he was removed from
AAP statement
Dobson's statement
Scriptural Assessments (I think McArthar?)
Adventures in Ezzoland by Frank York
I have always been impressed with the 12 page bibliograpy of articles of concern
I can send you quotes if you like

Tell them just what you said here about Ezzo not meshing with the overall feel of the church, that you are conflicted about staying and let them have some time to respond. I have also found it helpful to present them with materials that are more in line with what you say you see from the pulpit. Sometimes there is a 'if we don't do Ezzo what would we do?" reaction.

As to stay or go, that has to be a decision between you and God. If you don't feel it is affecting you, I don't see a reason to leave. On the other hand, hardliners will make it a part of the children's program if allowed to. Lots of prayer.

LadyBird
03-22-2005, 06:38 AM
This has all been in the news recently about how Ezzo is a total idiot. I would print out any information you can find, and give it to the church board, and let them know that what they are teaching is very controversial, and dangerous. You could even mail this to them anonymously if you don't wan them to know it is you complaining. That is what I would do. :eek

Vipers_Princess
03-22-2005, 08:57 AM
Quite simply, leave. I have long since learned to pick my battles. We tried to be the change we wanted to see at our old church {one we'd attended since I was in high school and he was 3 years old} and all it did was lead to a bunch of gossipy backstabbing, false accusations and :hissyfit :banghead :bheart

button_soup_for_4
03-22-2005, 09:08 AM
For me it would depend on my relationship with the leadership. If I felt they could be persuaded to see the evils of Mr. Ezzo's teachings I'd stay and pray like crazy. If I didn't think so I'd probably leave after sending a notice to the pastor explaining why.

Just my.02
Cindy

Sandy
03-22-2005, 03:02 PM
I would respectfully approach the church leadership. don't overwhelm them with materials but selectively send them articles or quotes that you think will speak to them. Pray, pray, pray.

We stayed at a church taught Ezzo classes...I approached the leadership and was unable to sway them into dropping Ezzo. It broke my heart. So, during service, I would sit with the nursing moms and quietly talk about what I saw as the problems. I worked in the nursery and especially loved on those babies I knew were Ezzo'd (they were some of the most solemn and unhappy, by the way). We moved out of state before it got too overwhelming for me...I don't know how much longer I could have stayed. I really lost respect for my pastor because of some of his responses.

You have to do what the Lord leads you to do. Whatever that is, cover yourself with lots of prayer.

KarenBoo
03-23-2005, 05:24 PM
I think you've been given some important things to think about. We did leave a church because of Ezzo, but we were only "visiting." That is the church where we took the Prep for Parenting class. After we learned the truth and were so hurt and full of guilt over the whole thing, I could no longer contemplate attending that church or tithing to that church. And I would not consider attending a church that did do Ezzo, but we are in a different position. We move frequently and have to leave churches frequently. I now do a lot of phone calling before we even select a church to visit because we don't have much time in each spot!

mama j
03-23-2005, 05:33 PM
I left my church because of it. In retrospect, I should have talked to the Pastor about it before I left, instead I talked to him about it after I left. I left because it was stressing my out so bad and it was very difficult to be the only parent not taking the class. I did talk to the leadership in the class and they "didn't see the controversy" despite the information I provided them. After I left, a few months later the Pastor called to see what was up and we met and I provided him with the information. He was familiar with the sources that had writtent he material, and definately agreed there was a problem with Ezzo's character, but felt he had to review the information himself before making a judgment on the parenting materials. So at the moment I am waiting for him to finish reviewing all the tapes. So, I don't think I went about it perfectly, but I was so stressed out with a lot of things in my life at the time, that I just couldn't handle staying there and dealing with it all. Will I go back to that church? I'm not sure. It depends how this all plays out.

So, my advice? I would approach the leadership first, such as the Pastor or elders. Meet with them if you have the courage, or sent a letter with attatchments of info you have printed off... send to each of the elders and the Pastor, not just one copy. Also, the leaders of the class may not be as likely to hear you out if they are very invested in the materials. Hope that helps! :heart

expatmom
03-23-2005, 05:51 PM
I see church as family, not an place. (1000 people is a large family :)) When I have disagreements within my family (and I think family disagreements are perfectly normal), we talk about it & reason it thru. And no matter how much you disagree, you can never really separate yourself from your family. Church is ultimately the same way. I try to remind myself that regardless of our issues, I will have to spend eternity with these folks and God - one big happy family :lol. This keeps my hot headedness under control & reminds me of our kinship. So I guess, to answer your question, I wouldn't leave a church over this issue until I had serious discussion & prayer with the leadership and with those who I was in direct relationship with at the church (eg. homegroup).

Take care!

LikeADimMirror
04-02-2005, 08:06 PM
I think Ezzo really, really hates kids. Pearl I think is misguided (and a bit of a control freak) as much as I disagree with him, he at least stresses the importance of having a relationship with your kid. I think the Ezzo way is set up to purposely destroy relationships between kids and their parents--and his advice is so harmful it has even caused babies to be hospitalized from dehydration! At least the Pearls never advocated totally ignoring your babies hungry cries.

I don't think I could stay in a church that used the Ezzo material--even if it was done out of ignorence, I would have to question their judgement about other matters.

ArmsOfLove
04-02-2005, 08:49 PM
I think the wide diversity of answers can be summed up in this . . . do what the Lord is leading you to do. Sometimes he calls families to be there and they were born for such a time as this--they can bring change and influence families. Sometimes you are in a place where it's causing you to stumble and feel weak/sick in your heart--then leave! and find someplace that will build you up in your faith. Sometimes you will be called to pray; sometimes called to witness; sometimes called to be a quiet testimony to something else. What is the Lord putting on your heart?

mama j
04-21-2005, 12:09 PM
Just wanted to update you with what has happened at my church. To sum it up, the gal who led the Ezzo class came to talk to me on Friday and apologized and asked for forgiveness for not looking at the information I gave her and for the strain it put on our friendship. She said I had done the right thing in coming forward with my concerns about the material. She said that they would not be offering the class anymore, that they would be meeting with all those who had taken the class and providing them with the information about the problems with the material and the author. And they are going to be doing research to find a good class that does not have these problems. She said she now realizes that there was no grace and mercy in the Ezzo materials and that he is only in business for the money. We were hugging and crying and our friendship was restored! PTL for He was faithful!! This was huge for me, because usually I am someone who will just avoid problems, but I presented the truth, and despite my imperfect efforts, God was faithful. PTL!!

I am going back to the church now too (went this past Sunday) since I no longer feel ostracized (spelling?). I also recently found out that there had been a lot of negative talk going around about me because of my disapproval of Ezzo, so my anxiety over how I was feeling at church was very real.

expatmom
04-21-2005, 12:19 PM
:) Good news! :)

ArmsOfLove
04-21-2005, 12:21 PM
((((((Jane))))))) God is so good! I think you did exactly what you were supposed to do and God used you to bring about change :)

shilohmm
04-21-2005, 12:35 PM
She said she now realizes that there was no grace and mercy in the Ezzo materials and that he is only in business for the money.


That is extraordinary! Terrific! And they're going to try to educate the ones who've taken the class - wow. :clap :clap :clap :clap

I'm so glad you spoke up. God is so good!

Sheryl

katiekind
04-21-2005, 02:35 PM
Holy COW!!!! Granted I'm at an emotional time of the month but I just burst into tears over this news.

Way to GO! And PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!
This news makes my week.

And I am so glad about your friendship as well.

:ptl

Kat
04-21-2005, 03:24 PM
That is fabulous! :highfive

Now, if only my church would get its' act together. :rolleyes Care to write them a letter as well? (Just kidding!) ;)