Speaking of the Five Steps

[lucles]

How do you implement this in a situation like the car? My DH snipped at me the other day asking how can I use my non-spanking techniques when we have to be driving & one of the girls is breaking a known rule? We were in the midst of one of the girls falling apart & I am never at my best in those moments. I just wanted to get home & deal with things then, but DH was determined that I explain to him what I thought should be done that moment. (It was a bad day overall, but that's another issue.) We were literally 2-3 minutes from home, but to DH it didn't matter, he wanted me to do something right then or admit that a spanking would have worked. Geez, just when I thought we had made progess... :rolleyes

[LauraK]

I am looking forward to hearing what the experienced moms say on this. However, I do not get your husbands point as you can't spank when you are driving any better than you can use a non-punitive method? I guess there is the turn around and try and hit and drive thing but that hardly seems safe or effective (I recall that happening to us at times in our childhood).

[Danette]

I don't know how this would work if your husband is driving and he's not in agreement..... but when I'm driving and one (or more) of the kids is breaking a car rule then I just pull over. Then I wait till we can move ahead safely. Sometimes that happens immediatly and sometimes we have had to sit for 15 minutes. But my kids know my driving is not the best (they let me know all the time) so when I pull over they know they've gone too far. Ohhh and if I'm in a really grouchy mood and don't want to be sitting on the side of the road I will make them pay me from their allowance for the time I had to waste sitting there. :O I don't know if that's a GBD technique but I've been know to do it. :P

[lucles]

I don't know how this would work if your husband is driving and he's not in agreement..... but when I'm driving and one (or more) of the kids is breaking a car rule then I just pull over. Then I wait till we can move ahead safely. Sometimes that happens immediatly and sometimes we have had to sit for 15 minutes. But my kids know my driving is not the best (they let me know all the time) so when I pull over they know they've gone too far. Ohhh and if I'm in a really grouchy mood and don't want to be sitting on the side of the road I will make them pay me from their allowance for the time I had to waste sitting there. :O I don't know if that's a GBD technique but I've been know to do it. :P

My DH would not be willing to pull over. He wants a way to deal with it right then. <sigh> I kind of like your allowance idea because of the acknowledgement that your time is important as well, but we have just started talking about allowances & what they will be so we can't try that just yet. Hum...I feel like I should have some tools for the car, but I always feel like I don't handle things very well in the car. Of course, the girls do so much better if it's just the 3 of us in a car. It's usually introducing the element of anyone else in where things go south (DH, my mom, etc.).

[Danette]

It's usually introducing the element of anyone else in where things go south (DH, my mom, etc.). Interesting. But I can see that in my family as well. When it's just me and the kids we sing and talk and when anyone else is in the car they probably feel ignored. hmmmm.....

I'm just curious how your husband would expect to spank the kids if he isn't willing to pull over. Or is he thinking that if you would spank that your children wouldn't have meltdowns or that you would be able to control them better?? It just sounds like your husband might have been in a sour mood and the noise input of your dd just made him a bit irrational.... not much you could have done about it.... I guess that is why you are so frustrated. (((hug)))