my experience with punitive discipline

[button_soup_for_4]

I thought I'd share my experience with everyone as smeone who wasn't spanked but saw first hand the aftermath of it.

I was raised by my grandmother. My mother left when I was 4 months leaving me with my grandma and grandpa. Shortly after that my grandfather died. My grandmother vowed to never spank or punish me as she had done with my mother. She felt that it destroyed their relationship and was what made my mother stop talking to her and start hiding things from her.

My grandmother was raised with "a trip to the woodshed" type spankings herself. Serious "couldn't sit down for a week-type spankings". That's not the sort she used with my mother. But she did spank alot and wash my moms mouth out with soap and stand her with her nose to the corner. It wasn't that she intended to be a mean mom. She was just doing what she thought she was supposed to do and it back fired. At 15 my mom left home, got pregnant, came back long enough to have me and then leave again.

Oh my! My 18 month old just had a major blow-out. I'll come back later.

Cindy

[button_soup_for_4]

Where was I?

Oh yeah. My grandmother was raised in what I consider to be an abusive home. She tempered things a bit but still was harsh with my mother. She and my grandfather reaped horror upon horror as my mom went through the teen years and into adulthood in constant rebellion against them and God. My mom left me with them and from the time my grandfather died til her death my grandmother denounced all the punitive methods she had used with my mother. She died almost three years ago. Before she died she met our ds and gave us her most heartfelt blessings as parents who were commited to bringing our son (and now daughter) up with gentleness and grace. She never spanked me. She never stood me with my nose to the corner or yelled at me. She never washed my mouth out with soap or made me go to bed without supper. My relationship with her was sweet, beginning to end. She raised me to know Jesus from infancy. She taught me to read the bible every night and every morning and gave me an example to follow of someone who even in her old age was willing to learn new things from the Lord.

I feel very blessed to be here among other like-minded women. I know several mothers who don't spank and who nurse into toddlerhood but they aren't in the same town as us any longer. As my two get bigger and we consider adding another blessing to our home I am faced with the reality that raising your children the way my grandmother raised me is really hard. It's a challenge to be gentle. It goes against our nature as human beings to put the needs of someone else above our own. And most of all I get impatient and find myself justifying my less than gracious tone.

It may sound as if I've romanticized my childhood, that no parent could ever be so wholeheartedly good and gentle all the time but it really did happen. My greatest hope is that by the grace of God I will make that the legacy I leave my children.

Cindy

[BluegrassMama]

:hug thank you for sharing your story!

[MarynMunchkins]

How very inspiring! :candle

[katiekind]

Cindy, your story moved me to tears. Thanks for taking time to write it out. And you must miss your grandmother so much. I am so glad you have such wonderful memories. Praise God she came through for you like that. What a wonderful story of healing. I am sure it meant a lot to her to have another chance.

[ArmsOfLove]

what a wonderful lesson she learned, a wonderful blessing she passed on to you, and a wonderful legacy she has created for generations. Makes me think about how curses are carried down to the 3rd and 4th generation, but blessings are for 1000 generations!

[schoolofmom]

That is so cool! And totally disproves some people's assertions that punitive parenting makes for godly children.

[button_soup_for_4]

I do miss my grandma deeply. She bloomed late in life but bloomed more beautifully than I could ever hope to. :heart I wish my kids could know her and I wish she were here to help me make yummy pies! :yum

Cindy

[Peepsqueak]

Yes, many grandmothers renounce the old fashioned ways once they found out that there are better ways. We have evolved as human beings to becoming more and more advanced so we can also evolve in childrearing...why not? :clap Hurray to your grandmother, because many refuse to admit they are wrong and won't change. The ones that do change are a blessing. As in so many other things that "used to be."

[ServingGod]

What an awesome story! Thank you for posting that. I get so confused sometimes on what to do. I was pretty much ignored when I was a child.

Hi Peepsqueak! :)

[sadie]

I seriously cried when I read your story. How beautiful to have a grandmother so loving and mature, so willing to demonstrate the Lords grace, and to forgive herself and work so hard to atone for mistakes. I wish more people could be like her. How lucky that you had such patience and love demonstrated to you. :heart

[button_soup_for_4]

For the longest time I was clueless that the type of stuff women share in this forum even existed anymore. I was shocked and horrified when I expressed an interest in homeschooling to another mom and she sent me a copy of Michael Pearls book among other things. I seriously thought it was some sadistic joke. What is most disturbing is that these are Christians spreading this disease. Whatever happened to "let the children come unto me" and "of such is the Kingdom of Heaven"? :hissyfit

Cindy

[UltraMother]

How wonderful that you have a head-start on gbd! Most of us are here cleaning up our old messes and trying to get past our own parents' type of discipline.

[Marzipan]

Thank you for sharing that. :)

[Blue Aurora]

It's great that you have such a wonderful example to follow! Thanks for sharing your story. :heart

[GotMyHeartFull]

great story :)

[Peepsqueak]

Hi ServingGod. I am glad to see you on the new board.
The punitive parenting techniques were really done in fear of not loving children enough to discipline them this way. Sort of a pennance for being a parent. :td
I am so happy that there are better ways now. I feel sorry for the parents that really didn't want to do it the punitive way and people told them there were no alternatives...ie. our grandparents, etc.

[4blessings]

What a beautiful story! Thanks for sharing.

[Sanveann]

Your grandma sounds like an awesome lady :)

[ChristmasGirl]

Cindy~thanks for sharing with us :heart you painted such a beautiful picture to me of what an impact our gentleness can have...l am truly inspired :hearts

[mrsramjet]

as well as the gorgeous way she modeled graceful parenting (grandparenting) she also modeled sellf awareness and the ability to admit a wrong and change. this openness of spirit is truly inspiring.