Anger

[mummy2boys]

This is why I was sooo desperate to get on here the other day. Our 6.5 y.o. son has been recently displaying alot of anger (shouting, hitting others, throwing things and being mean). We have talked to him about acceptable ways of expressing his anger but could only come up with "Use your words". Sounds pathetic hey :blush

So I was hoping all you mamas here would have some more advice that we could try. I will admit that we put him in his room at one stage (sorry I am not advocating this ~ Just being completely honest) just to separate us from him as we were all wound up and all of us needed a break. I know it didn't help and we apologised to him afterwards but we are at our wits end. It seems to have astarted since he started school but we have spoken to his teacher and haven't gleaned anything from there yet..


Any suggestion would be greatly appreciated.....


...from one desperate mum :shrug

[icesmom3]

Oh my can I ever relate!! My 6 yo is needing lots of teaching/coaching with his big feelings lately.....I will reflect his feelings "you are angry, you may not hit" "you look very mad" Sometimes he needs a break and will go to his room with or with out me--what ever he needs to get thru the moment.

After the heat of the moment when we are all cooled off I talk about ways to get the anger out(foot stomping, running, jumping up and down) and appropriate ways to do that. "Playful Parenting" is a great book to get ideas for many situations. :)
hth

[phermion]

We have a 6 & a 7 yr. - both boys -so we can have days of pretty intense aggression. Today was our first day with the comfort corner, and I was thinking it might help, but I had no idea how well!! My 7yr. has been taking himself there when he has been feeling overwhelmed and needs to back off.
Another idea we use is to send them out to run laps around our yard and jumping jacks and pushups. (not as punishment - we tell them it's to help with the "angry energy") A friend of mine bought a giant punching bag for her son, and she says it has really helped his anger issues. Hth, as well! :hug

[mummy2boys]

Thank you Christy and Amie for you replies.....I am reaching the desperate stage and I think the cuddle corner may need to be done here.....will give it a go and let you know how we go :)

[Cindy]

Is that common for this age? My almost 6 year old daughter has been very emotional lately...

[mummy2boys]

I am not sure....but it is beginning to wear me out :cry :cry :cry :cry

[Teribear]

Yes, I think its common for the age. DD is nearly 8 and I seem to remember 6 being emotional and rough...kind of like perpetual PMS. :hug This too shall pass.

[TulipMama]

I was skimming through "Your 6 Year Old" last night. (My third son turned six last month. . .) And I thought that I ought to type out several paragraphs from it, because it explains so much. .. I would do it now, but it's in a room with a napper. . .

Anyway, the gist of it is that they are physically, emotionally, and mentally. . . what's the word they used? Can't remember--but clumsy. Dealing with things is difficult for them. And it comes out in a wide variety of ways--anger, fidgeting, clumsiness, etc.

Anyway, I'll add more later, but I've found it *really helps* when I understand where my kids are developmentally--what their strengths are, weaknesses are, changes are. . .

[mummy2boys]

Would love to hear more TulipMama.....but I am buoyed by the fact that it seems to be normal....however frustrating it is :heart

[Katherine]

Another idea we use is to send them out to run laps around our yard and jumping jacks and pushups. (not as punishment - we tell them it's to help with the "angry energy") A friend of mine bought a giant punching bag for her son, and she says it has really helped his anger issues.

That's great wording! (stealing your phrase immediately!) :tu Can I do that with dh, too? :laughtears He would just LOOOOVE that! "Drop and give me 20, recruit!" (former Marine) :laughtears Course, he might turn it back on me, and I can't even do one single push-up. :blush :shifty Hmmm... maybe not such a good idea.. but very entertaining. :mrgreen

By punching bag, do you mean one of those Boppy things for kids, or a real heavy duty type thing? I've started to think maybe we need a punching pillow or bag, but the Boppys we've had didn't last long (the first one only survived about an hour) and were tyically used in a weapon-type fashion anyway. :rolleyes

[mummy2boys]

Okay....but I am just worried that by kinda ignoring the behaviour they will think its okay....and how do I know when they are ready to get out of comfort corner??????

Do I leave it up to them???
Do I time it then talk to them???


I sometimes wonder how they will grow up..I am soooo not doing this parenting thing very well altely :hissyfit

[This Busy Mom]

What books are good for different developmental ages of children?

[Cindy]

Another idea we use is to send them out to run laps around our yard and jumping jacks and pushups. (not as punishment - we tell them it's to help with the "angry energy") A friend of mine bought a giant punching bag for her son, and she says it has really helped his anger issues. Hth, as well! :hug


Great idea! :tu And physical activity actually can help to develop their young brains. Daily walks, trips to the playground to run and climb and play actually can help a child through a rough developmental phase.

[Kasi]

My oldest is a very physical child by nature, and I've noticed that with the wet winter weather here, that he doesn't get enough time outside to burn off energy. It seems when he doesn't burn off that excess energy, he builds up more aggression & anger. I've noticed it for him in school as well...as we previously homeschooled, now, he has a 7 hour school day inside a classroom with only two 20minute breaks.

Because our family is not used to being cooped up in the winter time, we have set up our basement for physical activity...punching bag, jogging trampoline, and an open area for "gentle-active" play. It has helped tremendously.

Some children need to express emotion more than others, some can express it verbally, some are just very physical. But now that my oldest is getting older, he will journal as well. My ds#2 will draw pictures, as he's not a "physical" child.

[ArmsOfLove]

Ames and Ilg have a series of books called "your one year old" "your six year old" etc--I think up to age 10.

Okay....but I am just worried that by kinda ignoring the behaviour they will think its okay....and how do I know when they are ready to get out of comfort corner??????

Do I leave it up to them???
Do I time it then talk to them???


Ahhhhh the punitive idea that people have to suffer to learn ;) People who feel good, act good; people who feel bad, act bad. They come out when they feel better and are ready to cooperate. And you're not *ignoring* the behavior--you are teaching them a tool they can use at any time in their life when they are feeling overwhelmed by big angry feelings and need to take a break and pull themselves together. Timing is arbitrary, and rather than making a point to talk to them in the moment, I'd start some character training because this is a big issue right now. At neutral titmes work on memorizing what Proverbs says about anger, what Jesus says. Teach them how to apologize, how to make amends (check out the time out sticky at the top of this forum).

hth

[This Busy Mom]

Because our family is not used to being cooped up in the winter time, we have set up our basement for physical activity...punching bag, jogging trampoline, and an open area for "gentle-active" play. It has helped tremendously.


I'm really interested in this idea. It's something I'd like to pursue soon. We were at a big indoor track a few weeks ago, and they had big mats and a kicking post?? The little boys flocked like magnets. I think a padded wall they can run into is good, too. Why do boys like those type of things? :laughtears .

Timing is arbitrary, and rather than making a point to talk to them in the moment, I'd start some character training because this is a big issue right now. At neutral titmes work on memorizing what Proverbs says about anger, what Jesus says. Teach them how to apologize, how to make amends

Mine gets mad at himself a lot, too... I'm teaching him to apologize to himself and to even ask for forgiveness (and let it go). We still need more character training (and social skills training).